Poop... Or Not

I was a little hesitant to post this, but this is the kind of thing future mothers gotta know. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was so grateful to the people who said to buy stool softener. I kept thinking, "I haven't had a problem, so I'll buy it when I need it." What I didn't know is that there are a lot worse things than discomfort due to pooping while pregnant. I had heard of hemorrhoids, but I wasn't completely sure what they were, to be honest! And I definitely didn't know you don't have to be constipated to get them. First of all, a hemorrhoid is a varicose vain on your butthole. A varicose vein is a vein that has been extremely strained (you know, spider veins on old ladies' legs). Once you get one, that vein is forever weakened and for the rest of your life you will be easily susceptible to hemorrhoids in that spot. So what I was thinking is too much iron makes you constipated, so if I start to feel any signs of constipation, I'll buy stool softener or fiber supplements or whatever. What I found out the hard way is the baby is putting so much pressure on my lower body (and she's pretty big now that I have less than a month left!) that any solid poop could give me hemorrhoids. I was never constipated, but I've got one! So it's just a little bump in your buttcrack. I didn't even know it was there at first, I just felt sore when I wiped. I figure this was probably because it started small, but by the time I noticed it was the size of a grape! It's been getting smaller and my doctor said it'll basically take care of itself, and all you can do is eat more fiber and stop using toilet paper. She recommended I go to Costco or Sam's Club and buy a bulk sized package of Preparation H wipes because I will probably need them for the rest of my life, and I'll definitely need them after giving birth. 

So when people say "buy stool softener now!" take their advice. And if nobody tells you that, shame on everyone you know! Haha just kidding. But really, tell every first-time pregnant woman to buy something along those lines before they actually need it. You may save their bums!