Da Boob Tube

Breastfeeding is the best thing for MY baby. For some babies and moms it's not an option or they prefer formula, and that works for them! I am not judging any mother for her choices, and if you are shame on you! 

Ha. Soap box aside, I'm grateful for the opportunity to breast feed. I'm not saying I feel this magical connection every time my baby eats like a lot of women do, but when she wakes up and doesn't want Daddy, I can't help but feel like we are each others' worlds. So cheesy when I put it into type haha. But she wants me and only me and I love it. It's so exhausting but it's so rewarding. 

Now it wasn't always this way. In the hospital, I had no idea what I was doing. Everything hurt. We never got a good latch without a nurse's help so that hurt like crazy, but when the nurses helped they were not gentle with my milk bags so that hurt like crazy too! Plus my nipples were cracked, bleeding, and sore beyond imagination. I got a nipple shield from one nurse and that worked pretty well till I got the hang of things. 

(Ask for the gel pads if your nipples are sore! They were magical. You can also find them at Target, but I recommend getting them for "free" from the hospital!)

I felt like every time someone walked in the room they were telling me to feed her again, and I dreaded that. I couldn't say no if a nurse said it, she had TONS of experience and this was my first rodeo. And Lainey got a fever in the hospital, and they said it may have been because she wasn't getting enough milk, that I was only producing colostrum (though they always seemed impressed when they tested it and expressed or I pumped. So idk what the deal was). So I let this fly in the hospital because these people were trained professionals, but then I got out of the hospital and everyone else in the world seemed to want to tell me what to do too! If my bebe made a peep everyone would insist I feed her. Okay, at first I let this fly out of the hospital too. I was nervous and I didn't want to starve my baby. Once we got a schedule kind of, somewhat, a little bit established I realized I don't need to let other people pressure me or make me feel nervous. Nobody knows my baby like I do. So I stopped feeding her when other people told me to and fed her when I thought was right, and guess what! I know my kid. She cries the most when she's fed and really tired because for some reason, my kid hates going to sleep. So people want me to keep feeding her, but I can tell you from experience that's how you get GIANT spit-up blowouts. No mo. I don't care what you think no matter who you are,

I know when my baby is hungry. The end. 

C-Section Blues

Since this was my first baby, I really can't compare my experience to that of a vaginal birth. I have no idea what's better or easier or heals faster, so I'm just going to complain about what I think is due to the C-Section, but to be fair some of these things could just be from giving birth in general... But most of them are about c-sections. 

I know I already complained about this, but I think it's my biggest complaint! I was the last person in my whole family to see my own baby. My parents, siblings, in-laws, everyone saw her while I was still in surgery. People post pictures of their goopy, nasty, disfigured-headed babies and I'm like, "gee, I wonder if my baby looked like that when she was born," minus the disfigured head part 'cause I didn't push at all before they cut her out. By the time I saw her she was cleaned up, eyes open and completely alert. I thought it was kinda cool that she wasn't all goopy and gross, but I didn't get to do skin-to-skin when she first came out. I wasn't the first person she saw (after the doctor), mine wasn't the first voice she heard. 

And it happened so fast that Ho'oulu wasn't in the room, so for all we know this isn't even our baby! He didn't get to cut the cord, and even he wasn't the first face or voice, though she met him like and hour and a half before she met me. 

Much less emotional but incredibly painful was the healing process. Even after the epidural wore off and I could move my legs, I still couldn't get out of bed by myself because I couldn't use any of the muscles in my torso without feeling like I would split open and my guts would spill out onto the floor. I know that sounds like I'm being dramatic, but it was seriously that painful. I actually had it way better than a lot of the C-Sections I read about before giving birth though. One lady's skin was sewed too tight and she couldn't unhunch her back for weeks! Luckily I had plenty of extra skin for them to work with. ;)

When I got home from the hospital, our toilet was too tall. I had no idea this was a thing, but you use your ab muscles to stand up off of tall surfaces. So I'd go to the bathroom and then my husband or my mom would have to help me up. And it was excruciatingly painful; I would shake violently, sweat, cry, scream, etc., all just trying to stand up. And if I went number two, I couldn't twist to wipe from behind but I couldn't lean forward enough to wipe from the front, so my dear, sweet husband had to wipe my bum! Ladies, do not get married until you know he would wipe your poopy bum. THAT is true love, and I am the luckiest woman on earth to have found it. But I wasn't so lucky to find out how much he loved me by needing him to wipe my bum... 😑😂

Also, please see the other post that's all about pooping and the HORRIBLE experience that is after giving birth. (I may not have posted it yet, so it may still be "coming soon.")

In the hospital, they put Lainey in this nice container bed thing that was tall enough that I could touch her but short enough that I couldn't lean over like I was going to pick her up, not that I could lift her anyway. Someone else always had to pick her up and hand her to me, which was suuuuuper inconvenient in the hospital when I was feeding her every 2-4 hours during the day and night! And Ho'oulu is a deep sleeper. Then when she was done eating, someone else had to put her back in that bed thing because I couldn't stand up by myself and I sure couldn't carry her around the hospital room. My own body was too much to carry at the moment! A lot of times I would just hold her while we slept, but that was kind of terrible because I was so worried I would drop her or something that I didn't actually get any sleep. And I NEEDED sleep. 

I couldn't pick her up by myself for a week or two after birth. I couldn't pick anything up, I couldn't stand up, I could barely walk once someone helped me up, and if I walked for very long I felt like I was going to die. 

I was too proud when leaving the hospital and I insisted on walking out instead of having a nurse wheel me out, which I regretted before we even got down the hallway. And as it turns out, it's really far to the spot where you get picked up. It felt like miles and I was so stupidly sore when I got there. 

K I'm tired. I may add more to this later. 😂