Nothing Has To Be Wrong...

I was just telling my sister that pregnancy is embarrassing. I am not typically an emotional person, and I have no idea how to cry in public because I'd almost rather die. I have been lucky enough to keep my pride intact so far, but there have been a few random hysterical outbursts at home that my poor husband has had to endure (not many! I can count them on one hand, I promise). Of course, as the loving, concerned gem that he is, he first question he asks is, "What's wrong?" (quickly followed by, "Is everything okay?"). What's so odd about pregnancy is nothing has to be wrong for you to be bawling your eyes out.
When I got a Rhogam shot (http://growingmyfirsthuman.blogspot.com/2015/04/rh-negative-and-kaiser.html), I teared up a little but I was lying on my side (the shot was in my butt and I can't lie on my tummy), so the tears kind of slid right out. The nurse noticed and started apologizing a bunch, and I just started bawling. The shot didn't even hurt that badly! It stung a little, but not enough to make me cry real tears. I was so incredibly embarrassed. I think I was crying BECAUSE I was so embarrassed. This was luckily the closest I've come to crying in public and it was only one person (besides my husband, who is soooo lucky and gets to see all my crying!), but it was still super humiliating.
My sister sent me a message on facebook with a video of a cheesy love song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXX3AO_hI_Y), and I got all emotional. I don't even know this song, like it has NO sentimental value. To be fair, today is my 11 month anniversary of being married to the greatest human on earth, so I mean....... Okay, no, still not a valid excuse. Lol. It's a really great song and cover and all that jazz, but I shouldn't have cried. My response to her was, "I'm too pregnant for this."
Soooo basically, nothing has to be wrong for me to cry. And that's what pregnancy means to me.

And the Swelling Begins... + Like a Normal Journal Entry About My Day :P

I lasted so long, apparently. My doctor was surprised I didn't start swelling sooner. I noticed my wedding ring was a little tight, so I took it off one night and the next morning, my fingers were sausages. If I hadn't taken it off when I did, it would be a permanent fixture, always cutting off circulation. Could have been bad! 

Yesterday was an amazing, super fun, super long day. We started at 8am and didn't get home till 4am this morning. My brother and his girlfriend were visiting and it was their last day (and my first day off of work since they've been here), so we partied hard. We ate breakfast at Hukilau Cafe, went to Kakela for a million hours and my other brother Brian (who now lives in Mililani) and his family met us there. Then Dean and Brighton had to get their rental back so we all went to town, ate at Ramen Ya, then Ho'oulu had to go to work :( and the rest of us got Cold Stone. Then Brian and Avery locked their keys in the car, so we had to wait while their Bishop's locksmith friend came to save the day! At this point it was pretty late and Dean and Brighton almost had to be at the airport, so I took them a little early and who did we see but my darling husband. :P So then I drove home, and they finally made the flight (after not making the first 3 because standby is cray cray). I went straight to Bro. Belnap's for a Lord of the Rings party with a zillion people, but when the movie ended, everyone left except The Crew. Hahaha. So that means that Pononui and I stayed all night till Ho'oulu got off work and came at like 2am, and we stayed and chatted and laughed for a couple hours. Poor Bro. Belnap has 8am church that I hope he skipped lol. 

The point of this big long post is I was on my feet A LOT yesterday without even noticing, then I was sitting in a chair with my feet on the ground a lot too. I never thought, "hey, maybe I should put my feet up." I'm clearly new to this whole swelling thing. Now my feet are so incredibly sore and it hurts just to walk the few steps from my bedroom to the bathroom, which we all know I have to make a thousand times a night and day. Haha. 

Lesson learned: don't do a lot of walking when you're 7+ months prego if you can help it, and elevate your feet if you're sitting down. You will thank yourself the next day. 

Pre-Postpartum

I always thought that postpartum depression was the most absurd thing I'd ever heard of. I couldn't imagine being depressed when you have this beautiful bundle of joy who is still 100% relying on you to nourish and care for him/her... Someone once described it as more of anxiety because you are CONSTANTLY worried about this tiny, helpless miniature human, and that made some sense in my head. But I think I have the tiniest understanding of how depression could come into play later. I mean, not only are your hormones completely wacked up, but for the last 10 months (yeah, idk why people think pregnancy is 9 months) you have had this special bond that no one else could see or feel. True a mother's bond continues after birth, but can I just tell you it is absolutely magical to feel a human inside of you? It's unlike anything else. And I am going to genuinely miss the little kicks in the side, the nudges, the squirms. My bladder and the bruise under my solar plexus might be relieved, but the rest of me will miss it so much. And if I'm already a little emotional about that now, I can't imagine what it'll be like when I actually have the baby out of me!  So for those women who have suffered postpartum, I'm sorry for the confusion and even judgment that the world feels toward you, and for my own confusion and judgment. Being pregnant changes every thought, feeling, and opinion. I can't think of any other word but magical. I am so very blessed and grateful for the opportunity to carry this gift from Heaven. I am so in love with someone I've never laid eyes on! 

OH, The Acid

I get acid reflux no matter what I eat, how slowly I eat, or how much I eat. It's kind of just a given. I get acid reflux if I go too long without eating. I get acid reflux from strong smells, like the fried chicken at Foodland (imagine how much I love that, since the bank I work at is INSIDE FOODLAND). I basically just have acid burning the back of my throat 24/7. Every meal is accompanied by this mint flavored, chalky antacid drink that makes me gag, but is better than anything else I've tried (side note, I really hate the chewables). 

So there's that. 

Rh-Negative and Kaiser

My blood is super special. I'm O- which means I am the universal donor, I can give blood to any human in the world but I can only receive blood from another O- person. I have always felt like this made me a superhero, and I was obligated to give blood at every possible blood drive. That being said, I am a champ at having a needle in my arm. It doesn't really bother me too much, especially when I know it's for such a good reason, like saving a life or checking on my baby (they'll draw blood to test your iron and such). 

If you are Rh-negative and your partner/husband/baby daddy is Rh-positive, the baby is most likely (almost guaranteed to be) Rh-positive. The way they explained it to me (and what I've read) is if you are exposed to the baby's blood, the next time you get pregnant (and the second baby is also Rh-positive), your body will attack and dispose of the baby. But there are tons and tons of women with negative blood types and they've all been having babies for thousands and years, and technology and modern medicine are advanced and wonderful, so someone along the line invented a shot called Rhogam. I don't know exactly how it works, but basically it will help prevent your body from attacking your next fetus. So if at any point in your pregnancy you experience some trauma, whether it's a car accident or you fall or something, they will have you come in that day for blood work and a Rhogam shot. If you don't experience any trauma, they will give you a Rhogam shot around 28 weeks as a precaution. And of course your get another one when you give birth. 

So I got blood drawn at my last appointment a couple weeks ago so that they could do whatever prescreening was necessary before the shot. When I got to my appointment today, however, they told me that they just found out from the lab that the shot has to be given within 3 days of the blood work. So I got my blood drawn again today and I have to go back on Saturday. 

So this is where the part about being a champ with a needle in my arms comes in... I was tired today. I didn't feel like getting poked. Obviously I did it but I was kind of like, "can't you just communicate with the lab in the first place?" But I don't mean to whine. 

And I know it doesn't even sound all that bad, and like I said, I can handle the needles, but I live over an hour from the hospital and I work every weekday and most Saturday's. I can't just come in whenever they say, I have to take time off and arrange my schedule, make sure everything at work is covered, so when they told me I had to come back tomorrow, I was kind of like "I work 8:30am to 7:30pm and I live in Kahuku... Unless you want to stay open until 9, I'm afraid tomorrow isn't going to work." So for the first time they tell me they're open Saturday mornings (something that could have helped with scheduling in the very beginning, and I'm pretty sure I asked someone before... But whatever). Luckily I'm not working this Saturday (the first in 5 weeks), so it ended up being okay, but it could have been a big disaster. 

So basically I'm complaining about something very small, and maybe I ws just cranky today, but I just felt like Kaiser was a little disorganized. When we switched to Kaiser, everyone told us they're terrible and everyone hates them, but it was like $2,000 cheaper to have a baby so we did it anyway. Our experience has been fine so far, other than we've had a different doctor almost every time we've been there (which was a big concern for a lot of people who told us not to go to them), but I don't really care. They've got my file and I can tell them everything that's been going on, they're all qualified doctors and nurses, so that's fine. 

It's the disorganized factor that concerns me. It turned out fine this time, but what happens next time when it's something important that they didn't communicate or whatever... Idk, now I'm just nervous! 

And another thing... My husband was filing an FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) claim, which allows him to miss work to take care of me (like when I had food poisoning, or if I were to go into early labor, or anything like that). In order to do that, your doctor has to fill out paper work and then you fax it in. When we were with Pali Women's Health Center in Laie, they filled it out and faced it for us. Kaiser forgot to tell us the paperwork was filled out (so we had to ask for it back, when they originally told us they would call us when it was completed) and then they wouldn't fax it for us. Not a huge deal, but I saw multiple fax machines on multiple floors, so... I'm a patient, this is 100% related to my medical needs, why can't I send a fax from here? I just really appreciated Pali, not only because they made that easier but they also have great customer service. Every person we met from the receptionist to the doctor seemed to have my best interest at heart. At Kaiser, I have had great doctors and nurses but some other staff members seem annoyed, or it's like I'm bothering them... I don't know. Maybe I'm overly sensitive because I'm more pregnant. Haha. 

Abs?

I don't even know where my abs are right now. I mean, I know they spread out, I've seen diagrams, but I could not locate them on my own body. And any time I've tried to use them, even in the slightest, I swear they've left me completely. They are nonexistent. It kind of hurts sometimes, and I think it adds a lot of pressure to my back. Lying on the floor is a terrible idea and I've thrown my back out twice already trying to get up (we have hard wood floors in our living room, so when I'm really uncomfortably hot I like to lie there with my shirt pulled up so my bare skin is on the wood haha). I don't even want to think about what my abs will look like after birth! 

Pictures! 20 - 28 weeks

20 weeks

22 weeks

23 and 1/2 weeks

27 and 1/2 weeks 

Complaint Department

(This is actually a couple posts old, but when you edit a post, it only saves the most recent date. So I fixed some grammatical errors and now I've lost the original time and date of the post! Lesson of the day: post everything correctly the first time.)

So I think I'm finally getting to that uncomfortable phase that everyone imagines pregnancy to be. I wake up a billion times in the middle of the night, and at least one or two of those times is to go to the bathroom. Lately I've been waking up drenched in sweat, and then I can't fall back to sleep. Today I woke up at 6:30am (I usually wake up at 8:30, but I even started work an hour later than usual today so I could have slept till 9:30). I was so hot I went to our living room (all windows and a great breeze), but I still couldn't fall back to sleep. Even my pregnancy pillow has lost a little magic. 

I used to be able to stand for most of my 10 hour shifts, but today I barely survived standing for 4 hours and my feet are absolutely aching. I also just need better shoes, but poor support has never actually caused me foot pain! 

And oh, the bladder kicks. I know I have mentioned them before but Baby is getting bigger and stronger, and sometimes these kicks are unbearable. I've also been getting some painful rib kicks, but I'd take 10,000 of those over one big bladder kick. Oy vey!

So that was my big complaining post. Sorry it was whiney, but such are the joys of pregnancy! It's still a magical experience and I know I have had it sooo easy compared to a lot of moms out there. 

And my apologies to those who wish I posted more - cough cough, Luisa! Haha I really haven't had much to say up until now. I was in a very blissful phase where I was no longer sick and not too huge and uncomfortable, so my only remarks would have been "OMG I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!" or "I love this little Booger!" And the like. So please forgive me - and get back on Facebook! Or get an Instagram. :) I post prego pictures there sometimes! My username is cherissedances so follow me. :)

(That whole paragraph was geared toward my favorite German, Luisa, who is very far away and no longer on Facebook, so these are the best updates she gets; however, it applies to anyone else reading this as well, if there's anyone else who is like consistently following this or something - which I doubt haha.)